Harry potter and the Quest for the Lost Loo
by imriel452
Summary: Following on from Harry Potter and the dawning of reality, Harry and Ron have somehow escaped the masively big crater in the end of the last one. They discover more strange things, and ahe some weird experiaces that only seem to happen at school. Please r


Harry Potter and the Quest for the Lost Loo 

_**L Note: Should this be Harry Potty?**_

_R Note: Who cares, write or shut up-now!_

Harry and Ron had made their way out of the crater that had formed when Dumbledore exploded. (I don't know HOW they got out, but I do know WHY. The reason why is because they are needed for this fic, and Harry Potter and the Interdimensional Portal to the Underworld, and Harry Potter and the final week which is extremely eventful, and contains the re-appearance of several, well, 56000 students, the deaths and/or suicide of several teachers, and Harry and Hermione, well...you'll have to read on and see, won't you? Please read and Review!)

R Note: Shameless plugging, Lews 

They were talking about the point they had made about there being no toilets in Hogwarts.

"There was that one I used in the fourth book." Harry said, but Ron shook his head.

"Fred and George bought it with the 1000 galleons you gave them. Everywhere within a half-mile radius now has a biohazardous sign. There was also the toilets that the Troll demolished in the first book, but that was destroyed, and the bathroom that is occupied by Moaning Myrtle is now home to the Hogwarts Suicide Club."

"So there is only one chamberpot that the entire school body! How unhygienic!" said Hermione, who had physically popped up from nowhere.

"But it is a laugh in Winter." Said Ron. "Do you remember when Hagrid's pee froze in mid-flow?" They all laughed.

"Well, now that Voldermort's dead, and as we don't have to spend all our time staying alive, shall we have a quest for a loo?" Harry enquired.

"A lost loo?" asked Hermione.

"Voldermort's dead?" asked Ron.

R Note: Have you ever noticed how much of a Nimrod Ron is? 

**S Note: You've only just?**

"Yeah, in an absurd plot twist, Dumbledore was actually Lord Voldermort in disguise. Dumbledore, in an ancient Sanskrit language actually means, "perverted old man who is in truth an egotistical maniac with plans to take over the World." Ron and Hermione just nodded.

_R Note: Sounds like one of my old science teachers at primary school._

**S Note: Sounds like a classic anime villain.**

"Anyway," said Hermione, "where are we going to start this quest?"

"Slytherin common room." Said Harry and Ron together.

"Why?" said Hermione.

"You can consider how thick the Slytherins are while shitting on their chairs." Said Harry.

"Don't you mean "sitting"?" asked Hermione.

"No." smiled Harry. "I mean, "shitting." That way, I can contemplate and defecate at the same time.

"Fair nuff." Said Hermione.

After their period of contemplation and defecation in the Slytherin common room, (where Hermione found out that she could pee up walls. (**_L Note: Trust me, I know some women who can do this..._**)), they wandered aimlessly around the school until Snape caught them.

"What are you doing inside?" he asked in his strange voice.

"Why do you look like someone who has had their head dunked in slime? Why do you try and sound smooth, yet sound like a retarded house elf? Why do you walk like you have had something large inserted into your rectum?" Harry finally snapped. Snape had pissed him off for too long now.

R Note: LEWS PREPARE TO BE CASTRATED! 

**S Note: I'll find you a hiding place.**

"Do I?" Snape asked. He walked off very slowly. Harry, Ron and Hermione watched him turn a corner, then let out a laugh.

_R Note: Then killed horribly._

**S Note: Correction a nuclear bunker.**

"A retarded house elf?" Hermione asked.

"Dunno. Jus' popped into me head." Harry replied. They started to walk around again, opening every door they could find. They came across some dodgy scenes, I can tell you! Then suddenly, from a side corridor walked out Professor Dumbledore, who was really Lord Voldermort.

"You're dead." Said Harry.

_R Note: No, Lews is dead._

**S Note: Not yet.**

"I know, said Professor-Dumbledore-who-was-really-Lord-Voldermort. "But I was told that I wont be allowed to enter the Dark Wizard heaven if I don't tell you that the nineteenth door on the ninety second floor is out of bounds to you three." Then Professor-Dumbledore-who-was-really-Lord-Voldermort asked.

"Who's taken my place now?"

"Professor McGonagall." Said Hermione.

"Bitch." Said Professor-Dumbledore-who-was-really-Lord-Voldermort. Then he disappeared in a puff of cannabis scented smoke.

_R Note: Damn, apparently he's not dead. Lews, that is._

**S Note: He was in a nuclear bunker.**

Five hours later, Harry and Ron finally reached the ninety-second floor where they found Hermione.

"Where have you been? I've been waiting nearly five hours."

"What did you do? Apparate? Use a Portkey?" Ron asked.

"No. A lift." Said Hermione, matter of factly.

_R Note: Electricity does not work in Hogwarts._

**S Note: Magic lift? Like the great glass elevator?**

"Does electricity work in Hogwarts?" asked Harry, looking puzzled.

"When it is connected to the mains, yes." She replied.

R Note: #grabs scissors# 

"Oh." Said Harry. They all stared at the nineteenth door, and Ron asked. "Should we enter?"

"Professor-Dumbledore-who-was-really-Lord-Voldermort said we shouldn't enter. Therefore, we should." Harry said frankly.

"Impeccable logic." Said Hermione.

**S Note: Duh, he's Harry, he has a sixth sense about these things.**

_R Note: By Osiris I will smite you down, Lews._

_**L Note: I've told you before, DON'T BLOODY BLASPHEME!**_

R Note: But it's soo fun! 

S Note: Hands up those who want to start worshipping the Egyptian God! #Raises hand#

R Note: #Raises hand# 

_**L Note: FINE THEN, BUT STILL...DON'T BLASPHEME, BY SETH!**_

R Note: Sezzi, will you tell him, or shall I? 

S Note: You can.

_R Note: Lews, you know what you didn't want me to do? Well you just did it._

L Note: I CAN, FOR I AM AN ADEPT OF THE SEVENTH DEGREE, BUT BACK TO THE STORY...

They opened the door to find...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

... Snape with his trousers down by his ankles, reading a magazine.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Snape yelled.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Harry, Ron and Hermione. Snape disappeared. Ron, Hermione and Harry walked in. It was a toilet, but Harry stared at the pile of magazines by the toilet, and fainted. Ron also looked down, as did Hermione. They both fainted...

TO BE CONTINUED IN HARRY POTTER AND THE INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL TO THE UNDERWORLD.

P.S: This fic and the rest of them in this series have had comments given by Renestrakaray (_R Note:..._) and Sezzi, Queen of the Pixis. (**S Note:...**). I have also provided some notes (**_L Note:..._**).

I want to say thanks to these two brilliant girls for helping me when I have been down, and even though they constantly find ways to annoy me, especially nowadays, but ask me about that later... Anyway, please read the fics of these two great people. I will never be as good as them, and I hope that we will always be friends.

Thanks Sezzi. Thanks Reene.

Peace.

Out.


End file.
